Longmont’s Quirky 2026 Predictions Spark Community Engagement

In a lighthearted reflection on what the future may hold for Longmont, Colorado, local resident and commentator Kris Harris has shared a series of whimsical predictions for 2026. Drawing on a blend of humor and social commentary, these forecasts range from protests with humorous misunderstandings to local governmental changes that might leave residents scratching their heads.

Community Protests Take a Comedic Turn

Among the predictions, a particularly amusing scenario suggests that a group of protesters in Boulder County will mistakenly stage a “No Vikings” protest. Armed with signs such as “Thor Had a Tiny Hammer” and “Greta Thunberg Disowns Her Heritage,” the protesters will soon be corrected by others who realize the protest was intended to be “No Kings.” This mix-up highlights a tendency for miscommunication in public discourse while delivering a humorous take on contemporary issues.

In another prediction, a massive rock from the Flatirons is expected to roll down to Chautauqua Park, resembling Al Gore. This amusing image transforms the rock into a shrine adorned with eco-friendly items, potentially symbolizing the ongoing debates around climate change and environmental responsibility.

City Council Proclamations and Public Transport Challenges

Local politics are also on the radar, with Harris predicting that the Longmont City Council will implement a proclamation mandating the use of unconventional terminology in official communications. Words like “Father” and “Mother” are set to be replaced with “Genetic Contributing Units,” while “Illegal Immigrant” will become “Border Averse Paperwork Non-Completist.” This prediction pokes fun at the evolving language of politics, emphasizing the sometimes absurd lengths to which local governments may go in an effort to be inclusive.

Transportation challenges are not left unaddressed. The Regional Transportation District (RTD) is anticipated to spend $500,000 on a study to boost ridership, only to ignore its findings. Instead of implementing practical solutions such as enhancing security on high-crime routes, the RTD is expected to deploy mannequins painted to resemble celebrities in an effort to intrigue potential passengers. A spokesperson for the RTD humorously remarked, “It’s neat to see people point and take pictures of the ‘Manny Quinns’ as we call them.”

Another prediction suggests that Boulder may expand its offerings of psychedelic therapy, potentially legalizing substances such as cannabis and peyote for therapeutic purposes. This prediction reflects the shifting landscape of drug policy in Colorado and its potential implications for mental health treatment in the community.

Finally, Harris forecasts that a new compost facility will be established at the Sugar Factory site, following the city council’s decision to reject a proposed site in Boulder County. A city representative, identified as Polly Anna, claimed that the new location passed the “smell test,” indicating that city leaders have been contemplating this decision for some time.

As the community gears up for 2026, these playful predictions serve as a reminder of the quirks of local life and the ongoing dialogue around serious issues in Longmont and beyond. With a mixture of humor and insight, Kris Harris encourages residents to embrace the unexpected while keeping an eye on the future.