Navigating Holiday Cards and Family Finances: A Personal Guide

The holiday season often brings unique challenges, particularly when it comes to family dynamics and personal circumstances. A recent inquiry to advice columnist Eric Thomas highlighted the complexities of sending Christmas cards amid an impending divorce, while also addressing the financial considerations of supporting adult children.

A reader, who is separated from her husband after 25 years of marriage, sought guidance on how to approach this year’s Christmas card. With their divorce finalized shortly after the holidays, she expressed discomfort about including her husband’s name. Furthermore, she is returning to her maiden name, prompting her to consider how best to communicate this change to friends and family while maintaining a positive tone.

In response, Thomas suggested various phrases to convey the transition without sounding awkward. He proposed messages like, “There’s a new name, and a new family arrangement, but the warm wishes are the same,” or a more humorous approach: “Is it regifting when Santa brings you your maiden name for Christmas?” This advice emphasizes the importance of personal expression in holiday greetings, reminding readers that festive communications can reflect the full spectrum of life experiences, including change and resilience.

Another reader raised a different issue related to family finances. With three adult children, each pursuing their own paths—one entering law school, another recently graduated, and the oldest employed—he is contemplating how to fairly distribute financial support. He has already funded their college education, and with resources available, he plans to cover his middle child’s law school tuition while also wanting to maintain equity among all three children.

Thomas affirmed the father’s intention to gift monetary amounts to the other children alongside tuition payments. He advised against keeping this arrangement a secret from the law student, advocating for open communication regarding financial decisions within the family. To promote fairness, he suggested an alternative approach: instead of direct gifts, the father could encourage his other children to choose charities for donations equivalent to their sibling’s tuition payment. This way, the family can contribute positively to the community while maintaining balance in financial support.

Finally, a different reader expressed concern over the tradition of gifting Christmas presents to eight of her son’s friends. Now retired and with a reduced income, she sought a tactful way to end this practice. Thomas recommended she simply communicate her changed circumstances through a card that expresses her affection for them while announcing a shift to sending cards only.

This advice reinforces the notion that honesty and transparency are crucial in familial and social relationships. The holiday season often sparks reflection on personal connections, and addressing changes or challenges can be part of a sincere and meaningful celebration.

In a time when families face evolving structures and financial landscapes, these inquiries highlight the need for thoughtful communication and compassion in navigating both personal and social dynamics during the festive season.